Bleaching In Jamaica - Part 2

As a followup to my post earlier this week regarding bleaching in Jamaica, please check out this very informative (though sadly so) video describing my previously mentioned points in greater detail...

This is shocking and painful to watch for me...

A Little Girl's Best Friend...

I never have understood - and never will understand - people who do not like animals nor see the importance of animals in one's life. They are not only a source of comfort and protection but medically, having a pet has proven to do more good for a patient than treatment itself in some cases. I'm not saying that having a pet will bring back your pigmentation in the case of Vitiligo, but it can surely relieve any stress or anxiety that the condition may cause you. 


My Yorkshire Terrier Kaiso is now 16 years old (far beyond his expected life span) and has been on this journey with me since I was 8. The total acceptance and lack of judgment found in this 'best friend' can get you through some truly difficult times. It may sound a little cliché, but seeing the way our animals look up to us and treat us with complete loyalty, acceptance and trust in return for just a little love and acknowledgement gives us quite an example of how we should treat each other. I would most certainly recommend getting a pet for a young child with a medical condition such as Vitiligo - it gives us somewhere to go when everywhere else is too difficult. Just remember that a pet is for life.


Here I am at about 9 or 10 years old. Yes, I was an absolute little nerd :) I even had braces by the time I was 12! You can see the Vitiligo clearly on my forehead, neck and backs of my hands, even inside my ears. Long sleeves were also my comfort zone.

"Lucky", You Say - Part 4

Here I am at my confirmation in Cyprus in 1995. We had recently moved to a new town called Limassol (roughly an hour or so drive away from Paphos where we first lived) and I had changed schools. It was the first time I was seeing my old friends since moving, as my confirmation took place in Paphos where I had done my First Communion.

I remember the first day of my new school, my mother wrote a letter for me to read out to my class explaining that I wasn't contagious or sick and that I was hoping they would still be friends with me regardless of what I looked like. I remember my voice broke during that part of the letter as I stood at the front of the class, and a couple of my classmates also started to tear up. I'm eternally grateful to my mother for what she did by making me read that letter out - immediately after class, a group of girls came up and asked me if I wanted to sit with them for lunch. Those are still some of my closest friends to this day.

You can see that my arms had almost completely changed (except my knuckles and fingers), as had my legs and torso. The Vitiligo was now making its way up my neck, soon to go into overdrive on my face upon hitting puberty. The white patch on my forehead kept growing and shrinking as you can tell from previous photos, which shows how unpredictable the condition is.

Aged 9 at my confirmation in Paphos, Cyprus

"Lucky", You Say... Part Two

My Vitiligo spread to my arms and legs, then torso before taking over my face around the time of puberty.


Here I am aged 8 in Cyprus - you can't see my arms and legs, which shows how easy they are to hide (when it's not summer), but you can see my natural original colour on my face (except for the small de-pigmented patches at the very top of my forehead by my hairline)... This was just before the Vitiligo picked up the pace and patches started growing and multiplying. You can also see it on my knuckles and the back of my hand in the first picture.

De-Pigmentation, Re-pigmentation...

For most Vitiligo sufferers, the major concern when patches of lighter skin start to appear, grow and multiply is: How do I get back my original skin colour? How do I make these white patches disappear?

Undoubtedly, this was the case for me as well when my Vitiligo first started developing. Treatments are most definitely geared towards retaining and restoring the original skin colour to the patient. Of course, as I have mentioned before, in very extreme cases of Vitiligo such as my own, where more than 80% or so of the body is completely de-pigmented, the option to “bleach” the remainder of the original skin colour could be put on the table. Please note that this is not an easily attainable option and most doctors are incredibly wary of suggesting this to their patients as it is indeed irreversible but also there is a question of the psychological effects and therefore the ethical issue of choosing that path.

The automatic assumption, and very rightly so I would imagine, is that every patient wants to retain their original skin colour, because that is the way we were born and that is the way that we know ourselves and how our peers know and identify us. Everything that can be done will be done in the hopes of eliminating, or camouflaging, those pesky and devastating white patches.

After almost twenty years, my skin is now completely one colour. Granted it is not the colour I was born with, nor is it the colour I would choose had I been given the choice at the time, but it is the colour I ended up with. Over the years, I have been asked:

• ·         What if your colour comes back?
• ·         Can your colour come back?
• ·         How would you feel if your colour came back?
• ·         Do you want your colour to come back?

When I chose not to bleach the remainder of my dark patches (at some point, “dark skin with white patches” changed to “white skin with dark patches”) at the age of twelve, I did not feel mature enough or responsible enough to dictate what colour my skin should be. The thought of doing something to my skin that was irreversible was terrifying to say the least, because at that time, I knew that the possibility of the Vitiligo reversing could indeed happen. I did not want to eliminate the chance of regaining my beautiful brown skin.

That was then and this is now. I always thought that having my original skin colour would solve my problems, being able to tan would stop me getting taunted by others on the beach or in the Caribbean, everything would be fine if I turned back to the way I was.

Now, I am older and just a little bit wiser.

It took me almost two decades to get to this point. Two decades of my life spent adapting to the changes that my body was making. And two decades to finally be a person that I could live with and accept and that others could also accept for who I am. Going through those changes as a child and a teenager was hard – probably the hardest thing a teen can experience – but the truth is, at a young age, you still have that bubble of family and strong support that helps you through moments of weakness. As an older woman, one who is now trying to stand on her own two feet in the world, I don’t know if I could muster that strength from within to experience another two or more decades of my skin changing back.

I don’t think I have what it takes to be that strong again.

I don’t want to be a yoyo every twenty years of having my skin decide between completely black and completely white. It took this much to get here. It took this much to accept being at this point. I don’t think I can do it again.

So, would I like my original colour back? Yes, I would love to know what it feels like to look like I would have without my Vitiligo. But do I want my original colour to come back now? No. As strong as I may have been going through that transition, it was a strength that took a lot out of both me and my family. Looking back on it, I don’t remember how I got through it, all I know is that I did.

I am not a white woman by definition, nor do I believe that being white is better in any way, but I have adapted to make my situation work for me. If I had remained with patches, I would have adapted to make that work for me also, the way so many of you do. Either way, I would adapt. But I don’t think I would have the strength to do it again. When one of my “freckles” or “beauty moles”, as I like to call them, starts to grow, or a new one appears, I get very anxious. I would never try to bleach them (knowing what bleaching entails following a particular incident in 2008), but I do get scared that it might be happening all over again. The irony of course being that it is still happening now because I never stopped being a Vitiligo sufferer! I still have Vitiligo, which people tend to forget!

And this is why I have so much respect and admiration for those of you who still go through having your patches in today’s world and holding your head high. I don’t know if I could. I remember that at some point I did it, I must have done to reach this day, but I doubt whether I could find that inner strength once again for the reversal. It’s taking enough inner strength to live with a completely different skin colour that isn’t even my own…