Friday, November 19, 2010

Pursuit of Peace of Mind...

So, for the past two months I have been applying a bleaching cream to the brown spots on my face at night when I go to bed. Thankfully, this hasn't had the same reaction as the 14% Triluma that I tried out two years back. My skin actually hasn't changed at all with this new cream, except that in the last few days before the scheduled chemical peel I did notice a slight burn happening whenever I put the cream on (which I assume is a good thing).

On Wednesday (two days ago) I had the deep chemical peel. This is supposed to strip back the layers of skin and expose the fresh skin underneath which will even out my skin tone and reduce the appearance of the brown spots. Let me tell you, I never prayed so hard in my life for those five minutes that the solution was on my face! 'Burn' does not begin to describe it! As I've told my close friends, it felt like millions of red ants were crawling and feasting on my face. After that, I has to keep splashing cold water on my face and then pat it dry. You could see the frosting of my skin (which apparently is a good thing) and after a few minutes, it started to subside and just left my skin very red. Much similar to a roasted tomato.

Right now I am home and out of commission for about a week while the peel works its magic. It's Day Three and my skin is very tight (I feel like calling myself Botox Head) and glossy - much like a bad sunburn, which is exactly what my dermatologist said it would feel like. Of course it feels tighter if I splash water on my face, so I've been given a cream - imagine Vaseline to the power of a thousand - to slather on generously at night to ease the tightness. This makes for very messy pillows, I can tell you that! It also doesn't help if you move a lot in your sleep, and I often find myself waking up to my hand covered in the stuff from touching my face, or hair stuck to my cheek which is quite irritating!

All in all, I'm excited to see what will happen from here. My skin is very red and tender but once the dead skin starts peeling off (which should be by Day Four), I've been told I will have 'baby's skin'... yay me! Of course the pigmented spots will not be completely eliminated by this procedure but they will be greatly reduced. If, in a few months, once my skin is completely healed (with lots of sun protection - I'm on the strictest orders for the next three weeks) from the chemical peel, I feel the need to discuss something more permanent like Benoquin, then I think I will head back to the dermatologist upon my return from London and see how necessary that is. 

For now, I'm just looking forward to not needing to rely on my MAC makeup so much every time I leave the house - it has a tendency to grease up after a few hours of wear, especially in a tropical country like Trinidad! But, thanks to a very special person who thinks I'm "more beautiful without makeup on", I've been feeling a lot more confident, even with my roasted tomato face!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Decisions, Decisions...

I've been contemplating it for weeks now. The little "tip-of-a-pencil" pigment spot on my forearm is now the size of a small mole. How's that for rapid? Not to mention the two little creepers that have appeared un-announced above and below my right eyebrow.


I contacted my dermatologist to discuss my options. Well, the truth is I only really have two options: live with it and see what happens, or de-pigmentation. So I'm making an appointment to discuss de-pigmentation really. No decisions on going through with it after discussion yet.


Scared? Me? To death. It's more the psychological decision that is bothering me - I used to cringe at the thought of someone choosing to bleach their skin, simply because when the option was offered to me at the age of 12, it felt like a rejection of my true identity. I know it's "what's inside that counts", but let's get real, the colour of your skin is a part of your identity as well. I mean, look at what the public did to MJ when I was going through my transformation, how could a decision like that not bother me?


So... I hope I have your support. And I hope nobody else judges me for this decision (especially those who have so ignorantly commented that I am 'rejected by the black community and will never be accepted by the white community'). I'll let you know how the appointment goes... Oh, and I would still want to keep that cute little constellation of three spots forming a triangle on my left cheek. I don't know why, but I like them!