Forgive my recent absence from the blog as I have been becoming more acquainted with my toilet bowl in the New Year than with my MacBook... due to morning sickness!
Yes, I am very happy to announce that I am expecting my first child this year :) I wasn't sure if I wanted to let such a wide audience of people, who don't know me personally, know about this... but now that I am safely at five months, I believe that the past two years of connecting with people with Vitiligo from around the world served a huge purpose in my life. I see Skinned Alive as a part of my bigger family now and a forum where I can release some of my worries.
This blog post is, however, less about announcing my pregnancy than it is about voicing the thoughts in my head regarding the theory that Vitiligo is hereditary. In my particular case, this is not true, as I am the only one in my family and family history with the condition. However, as it has been explained to me, it is more to do with the presence of a specific gene than the presence of the actual condition. This concerns me deeply when it comes to having children of my own now, understandably so.
In certain regards, my actual journey with Vitiligo, albeit ongoing, was so long ago in my mind (my childhood with changing skin colour) that in some ways I feel I have surpassed those particular trials and tribulations and moved onto a different set of difficulties following my return to Trinidad which now concerns my race and identity.
To imagine my child ever having to go through something that in some ways I have forgotten (for want of a better phrase) or pushed to the back of my mind, is a really hard thing to think about.
I can't deny the possibility that my son or daughter may one day develop the condition. Even if I don't wish to think about it right now, I must accept it and be prepared. The questions running through my head:
- I was strong enough to get through it as a child, but as a woman, do I have what it takes to help my own child get through this?
- Can I be like my mother; will I have those qualities as a mother (not as someone who has Vitiligo) to guide my child through this, or any condition, with unconditional love and strength and be able to mask how I may be feeling about what they are experiencing in order to get them through it? I know there must have been nights my mother - and father - cried without me knowing, all the while pushing me to be social and live a happy-go-lucky childhood... The thought almost kills me...
- I won't always be there to defend my child in the event that something happens or that they are visibly different to their peers. Will I be able to teach them enough to give them the confidence to step out and face the world when I am not around?
- Even if my children do not develop Vitiligo, they will still need to learn about why their mother looks so different (even to them) - will I raise kids who are strong enough to not let what others say about 'Mummy' affect them, be it in the school playground or on the street?
Of course, I will teach my babies to be tolerant of people from all walks of life and of course they will know all about their mother's condition as they grow older and can process such information. I just hope that the same strength of character that my own parents showed - which I could never understand as a child due to ignorance but today speaks volumes to me with everything that I accomplish thanks to what they did for me and gave to me in terms of personality and drive and passion - is a strength of character that I can find when I need it.
Even though she is my mother and the closest person to me since birth, she had to watch me grow through something that she could never fully understand due to not having experienced it. And that's gotta be hard if it's your child. If my children experience Vitiligo firsthand, will it be an advantage that I know what they are going through and can relate to them in that sense? Or will I be too emotionally involved in their experiences by recalling my own journey and stumbles and placing it on their shoulders? I'm in two minds about this (and very emotional in front of my computer screen right now!)
At this point, I can only pray for the best and know that the same people who helped me to become who I am, will help me to raise my child to be exactly who he or she was meant to be, Vitiligo or not. When all is said and done, bring it on...
I am a mother of a child with vitiligo the unknown scares me more than any thing. Not knowing exactly how she feels or what she is going through. I want to know how she feels and want to take away any pain she has. I also don't want to act like there is a problem if there isn't at that moment. I don't know what to tell her to say to others. I am scared to make things worse but saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong advice. I have had nights I cried for her and yet she was okay. I live in the fear of wishing I knew. It's hard being a mom for anyone. Let alone being a mother of child who has a condition that many don't understand. But I believe that your experience would truly help your own emotions and your childs (if you child does develop vit), because you do know. That is the reason I read your blogs and belong to vitiligo friends. I need to know what she going through. I need to know what to expect. I need to know what to say to her and others. Being a mom is hard but your experience gives you an advantage.
ReplyDeleteCongrats,
Tracey
Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. Being a mother will be an incredible journey, and it will only make your life story that much sweeter! Your fears and concerns about the vitiligo are completely understandable, and I imagine that that is normal for any new and expectant mother, especially when she knows she's facing something that could possibly effect her child for the rest of his/her life. Being aware and sensitive to this issue is a good thing, but I also encourage you not to let it overwhelm you (I imagine the hormones make it hard enough!). Just enjoy your pregnancy and your baby. You are bringing life into the world, and life is the most beautiful thing of all.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you, Darcel. I'm really happy for you!
Nikki
If your child does develop vitiligo, the best thing is to be there for them. I'm still only 16 myself and I have vitiligo and it really helps when my parents are there for me; even though they never had it themselves I feel really good when they do everything they can to help me get it treated - taking me to clinics, getting coverup makeup etc.
ReplyDeleteJust be there for your child when they're going through it, reassure them. Tell them about your story and talk to them because they'll feel good knowing they can relate
Wow! Congratulations! And thanks for being honest about your concerns. Being a woman and having vit myself I feel your plight and have the same future projection freak outs. All I can say is, you've made it this far...and you haven't let (y)our condition stop you from being creative with your life. And your openness about your challenges helps me and others with vit, so of course your child will be positively affected by you as a mother/nurturer regardless of if he/she develops vit or not- your child will be blessed with the impact of you as a mother. I am sure you understand that vit isn't all consuming, nor is it a death sentence. Let the guilt trip go...ma ma se ma ma sa mu mockcu sa...
ReplyDeleteHey Darcel,
ReplyDeleteCome join the vitiligo bond inc family on facebook. Can wait to meet my sista from Trini as well as the common bond of Vit. Look me up on facebook Natasha Pierre so I can add you to the closed group on facebook.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to offer my sincere congratulations on your happy news!
You are truly inspirational and I hope your child and their generation will be more understanding and accepting of the differences that make us unique.
Best wishes,
Ish x
Congratulations! That is wonderful news.
ReplyDeleteHi, Thank you for posting this blog. I have searched online for answers to my 6-year-old's vitiligo before and never came across something like this. It's 5:10am where I am and I'm haunted by a fear.
ReplyDeleteI am 4 weeks pregnant. All I keep thinking is 'do I bring another baby into this world that may have vitiligo?' My son has it on 70% of his body. I am of mixed blood, having everything from Native to Scotish and Maltese. My son's father is Italian. When my son was born he had beautiful olive skin. I am no longer with his father, but rather a Columbian man. This preganacy was not planned. I fear for this child more becasue the contrast would be greater-In everything I read, there is no clear answer about the chances of me having another child with vitiligo...no clear answer...
Hey, I just wanted to say I enjoyed your blog. I'm a 15 year old who has been battling vitiligo since pre-k. You should prepare your children on possible comments and questions others will say. I know first hand that the comments and questions are nice and or insulting, so prepare them now so they don't like what they see in the mirror later...
ReplyDeleteThanks so much and congrats on the bundle of joy on the way!
Tonia xoxo
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI am 31 years old and have vitiligo since I was nine. I'm contemplating having a baby and my concerns mirror yours completely. I don't think I can bear the thought of having my child face what I did, does anyone know what percentage of children develop it? I'm also concerned if the vitiligo spreads during pregnancy?
Hi, my name is Alexandra. I am 22 years old and have had vitiligo since i was 12. It has been a huge struggle for me especially since it came at the worst possible time, right before my teenage years. i think about all these things... my husband and i have discussed kids and i always have thought about whether or not my children will get it. It scares me bcuz i went thru terrible stuggles and sometimes still do to this day. I just dont want them going thru what i did. I hope and pray things work out for the best for you, me, and everyone that has these concerns. Congrats on your baby. I look forward to reading more of your blog.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the pregnancy! I stumbled across your post by searching something to the effect of- "will my child have vitiligo if i do" on google, and was relieved/interested to find someone with the same sort of thoughts. I have full body vitiligo and have had it since i was around two, though not full blown until around six. I am not ashamed to admit in the slightest that i worry that when I have children, they will be born with the same condition and be teased or bullied as I sometimes was. I think the important thing to do as a parent, though, is to remain completely supportive and understanding of the child. I think children born with vitiligo to parents who have it are at an advantage to those who are born with parents who dont. Neither of my parents have vitiligo and they were the least understanding adults in the universe, it felt like. They never prepared me for others judgement or made me feel beautiful. my father would tease me about my de-pigmentation as a way of "preparing me" for others' ridicule. haha, so don't take that approach! The best thing you can do is teach your child that being different doesn't matter, and about self love and acceptance and tolerance of these differences. I believe that if you do not act like it is a major setback in life (because it's truly not!) and that there is nothing to be ashamed about, then they will learn loads. I don't know, sorry i'm rambling. Again, congratulations!
ReplyDeleteI am 26 years of age and I have a light spot on one of my breast which I have considered to be a birth mark for majority of my life until I started doing research & I am inclined to believe that I have the condition vitiligo. I was doing research to see if they have some form of cosmetic surgeries to cover a birth mark on an African American woman's skin that is lighter than her natural skin tone & came across this info. I am not sure if I have vitiligo bcuz I have not been to a doctor about it yet as I always thought it was an embarrassing birth mark. The mark is isolated to one of my breast and has not spread anywhere else on my body. I am considering having a permanent makeup procedure done to this breast because I a highly self conscience about this. I honestly do not like taking my shirt off during sex because I am scared of what my partner may think and I think that this light part on my breast is the reason why every man I've ever tried to have a relationship with has always cheated on me. That is the only logical explanation I can see because besides this I am a beautiful woman who has no problem attracting men but have a problem keeping them due to having mitch match breast. I am desperate for a fix so I can feel more confident & find my soul mate. It may sound superficial but I have lived with this problem & self esteem issues for as long as I can remember even when I was a little girl I knew that my chest did not look like other girls & I felt like the odd ball. Twenty six years later I still feel like a misfit. I guess I am lucky because I only have it on one area if my body that is generally not visible to the public but I feel that it is a nuisance in one of the most important areas of life which is intimacy. If I dnt get this problem fixed asap I will end up lonely because lets face the facts that men are very superficial and only want the "bad bitches" and I can't be a bad b**** with this embarrassment on my breast.
ReplyDeleteHi I know its a pretty long time since you posted this, but I saw it only today. I am a vitiligo patient and like yourself have developed this without any of the other family members having it. I already have 2 kids but I am planning for another one. The only thing thats scaring me to go ahead is the thought of my child also going through the same as myself. I consulted the doctors and they have told me that a child is never born with vitiligo but develops it later on in his/her life.
ReplyDeleteThe objective of me commenting on your blog is to know how did you go with your pregnancy having vitiligo? how is your child doing now? (I am sure he/she must be your sunshine).
I hope you can share some personal experience. Thanks in advance :)
Hi
ReplyDeleteI am a vitiligo patient and only came across your blog today while seeking some answers about the disease on the web.
I have 2 children however I have always wanted a 3rd child. That planned has stopped for the last 2 years due to my skin condition as well as my ongoing UVB treatment. The doctors have told me that a child is never BORN with vitiligo but they might develop the disease instead after they are born and become older.
The reason for me to comment on an old post of yours is to gather from you that how did you go with your pregnancy with vitiligo? Also how is your baby now? (I am sure he/she must be the sunshine of your life).
I hope you can share some personal experience which could help people like me.
Many thanks in advance :)